matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
