I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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