I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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