Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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