For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
