On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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