I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
