You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
