I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
