If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
