I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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