the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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