So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
