so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
