So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
