forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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