he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
