Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
