i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
