There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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