your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
