Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
