when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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