so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
