a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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