i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
