I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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