My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
