worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
