I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
