It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
