I cockslap morals
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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