You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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