Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
