There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
