I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
