Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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