No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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