His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
