i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
