she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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