i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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