And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
