So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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