Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
