Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
