I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
