Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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