On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
