And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
