my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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