I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
